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Exercise Boosts Children's Wellbeing

12/8/2021

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Teaching our children to love fitness is important for their long-term health and the larger community!
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There are countless benefits for children who are active and moving. A few to mention are decreased risk in developing mental and physical health complications, establishing healthy lifelong habits, improved ability to cope and manage emotions, and decreased stress levels. When children are healthy and well they are better able to focus on important things, such as schoolwork.
 
If your child needs motivation to exercise, here are some tips:
 
·        Keep it FUN! Incorporate games, adventures, walks, new challenges, and time with friends.
Some examples are:
o   set up an obstacle course at the park or in your yard, put hula hoops on the ground to hop through, an exercise ball to lay on as you walk with your hands, a safe area to practice handstands, build a snowman, etc.
o   count how many cartwheels or jump ropes they can do in a row
o   take the dog for a walk on a trail or road you have not explored before
o   bike, walk, or scooter to the store instead of driving. If this will be a longer distance than they have gone in the past be sure to have an option if they get tired. For example, if they start slowing down on the scooter, put your child (and scooter) in the stroller to finish the journey. Be sure to praise and compliment them for their success!
 
·        Offer a variety of options: swim, tennis, golf, basketball, etc. Do not push them into a sport that you enjoy or competed in. Be sure to give them different experiences and notice which ones make them happy. If they are laughing, enjoying time with teammates, and do not want to leave practice, be sure to continue encouraging participation in that activity.
·        If a child shows distress and ongoing dissatisfaction with a sport or activity, respect that and listen to how they are feeling. We all have different interests and strengths!
 
Children absorb cues and information from their environment and role models. Your actions play a critical role in the development of your child. To be a role model who makes fitness a priority in life consider trying:
·        A regular, consistent exercise routine
·        Explain to your children why you are exercising and what the benefits are
·        Include them in your goals. For example, if you are running a half-marathon, have them join you for a SHORT (age and ability appropriate)           run or walk. Ask your family to cheer for you at the finish line.
·        When going on vacation try new, fun ways of exercising such as going ziplining. 


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How to Help

11/25/2020

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The time is now. The need is imminent. We as a people are crying for help. So, how do we help each other and ourselves? On this Thanksgiving eve, my mind is spinning with these thoughts. My desire to reach out and make an impact is burning. I have dedicated my entire education and career to serving others and striving to make a difference. Yet, I often feel I fall short and do not provide the relief, happiness and wellness I try so hard to deliver.
 
This blog is my futile attempt, at yet another way I am going to continue to strive toward my goal. I want to address 1) how to help each other and 2) how to help ourselves during a time of pandemic, political tension and racial unrest.

1) How to help each other
  • For some, a financial luxury affords a quick fix at generously offering assistance. Many however, do not have that option and their funds are carefully allocated to caring for oneself or family.
  • Listen, really listen. I mean look the person in the eyes (if you are with them or connecting via Facetime.) Set aside your own judgements, beliefs or ideas of what is happening in this person's life. Share your understanding of what they are telling you to clarify that you get it. For example, so Johanna you really wish you had the opportunity to stay on with your employer at least one more week so you can make this rent payment?
  • Just because someone confides in you does not mean they want you to "fix it." Hold back quick suggestions or advice.
  • Pay it forward. A phone call, surprise care package delivery, funny TikTok to brighten their day, mailed card... are all things that require minimal time and effort on your part but may make the difference in someone's day!
  • Get out of your comfort zone and ask what is needed. Spend an hour or two volunteering your time doing something that you are good at. If you are a mechanic and know your single-parent neighbor is on a tight budget you could surprise the person by offering to do an oil change for free. Ask your pastor if you could spend some time mentoring someone in need.
  • Set your ego and bias aside and remember where you came from. I do not care who you are, I know you have experienced struggle. It is so easy to label others and ascribe thoughts such as, well if they only did X, they wouldn't be in this situation. I appreciate the difficult experiences I have had in life because it has allowed me to be the empathic person I am.
2) how to help ourselves during a time of pandemic, political tension and racial unrest.
 
  • Ask for help, it is okay! So many of us are filled with pride and have been engrained with the idea that reaching out for help is shameful. We all need help at different points in life. None of us would ever succeed in life without it. There are food pantries, county services, crisis hotlines and much more ready to assist.
  • Let go of habits that no longer serve you. If you are in crisis mode and need to figure out how to feed your family this month, having an immaculately clean laundry room every day of the month is not going to get you what you need. Often we have ideas of what needs to get done everyday. We sometimes fill our to-do list with irrelevant items that cause us more stress.
  • Evaluate your input. Watching the news constantly and scrolling social media images of terrifying content (riots, deaths from the pandemic, etc.) will add to your stress levels. It is important to stay informed and act responsibly, in a way that will serve your community. However, your effectiveness and ability to do what you need for yourself, family and community diminishes the higher your anxiety and fear levels.
  • Re-evaluate your priorities. If you notice you or your family are struggling, make sure you dedicate time to addressing it. Perhaps using a sick day at work if you have it. Maybe applying for FMLA is what is needed.
  • Surround yourself with motivation and inspiration. Find ways of infusing hope into your life through books, podcasts, uplifting music, leaning into your faith, what ever works for you!
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​How Your Coaching Affects the Mental Health of Your Swimmers

11/22/2020

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Congratulations, you have one of the most rewarding AND stressful jobs there are. You have signed up for long hours, off-the-charts number of steps on the deck, a swim style CDL license to cart large groups of kids around and being a savvy conflict resolution specialist with parents.
On top of that (and much more) your tremendous responsibility affects the mental health of your swimmers. This, I always took seriously as a coach. Looking back, I wish I would have had the expertise I now have as a parent and therapist to guide me in my young years as a coach. I want to share with you the following information, which may help, as you are working so hard to provide a positive and healthy athletic experience.


You are a role model, mentor and constant example of what it means to be an adult.     It is easy to get lost in workouts, intervals, splits and meet line ups and forget how many young eyes are watching you. Your presence on and off the deck is undoubtedly carefully scrutinized. Not just by the parents who want only the best for their children, but your swimmers. Yes, in this world of social media, what you post on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat or Instagram is on full display for your athletes to view. When you model things such as:
adapting and accepting change in a calm and logical manner, setting realistic expectations, celebrating success and learning from defeat, consistently supporting and encouraging one another, embracing diversity...your athletes will absorb these lessons like the chlorine that pumps through their veins.


You have power, a LOT of power.
Exercise has an effect on the brain much like an antidepressant medication. Most likely there is one or more athlete(s) swimming for you that is or has struggled with depression, anxiety or self-harm/suicidal ideation. When that young person chooses to come to practice their experience is in your hands. One practice may transform your athlete’s day from sad and desperate to hopeful and happy. I often credit my college swim coaches, Dave Clark and Paul Moniak for getting me through the hardest time of my life. At the age of 20 my boyfriend tragically died. Swimming for UW Milwaukee was truly a saving grace for me!

The culture of your deck and team impacts your swimmers significantly.
Laughter and humor have tremendous benefits in terms of mental health. Kudos to the coaches who find ways to turn thousands of yards per day while staring at a black line – fun!
What message do you send to the swimmers, parents, sponsors, coaches and teams you compete against? Do you encourage athletes from communities with financial challenges and diverse racial representation to join your team? Or does everyone on your team look like they are from the same family? Do you have policies in place to support athletes that do not have the financial means to be on your team? What kind of voice do your athletes have? Hopefully they are encouraged and given a platform to share their experiences, feelings and perspective which is received in a non-judgmental way.


All messages you send: verbal, body language, written, nuanced…. are internalized and open to the interpretation of each athlete.                                                                                                                As my daughter says, when her coach expects her to be on time and put extra work in just as she does, it sends a message not just about high expectations (I can write an entire article just on that). It also shows the coach feels it is important enough to take time out of their own day and away from their family, because it is an investment in the athlete’s growth and development. Often praise and acceptance from a coach means the world to an athlete.

For some, you are the only person in their life providing validation, support and care.
        Currently I am reading the book The Do Over, by Karlyn Pipes (I highly recommend it) and she speaks to this. Many athletes I have talked with, or learned from, believe that their coach truly cares about them and their wellbeing.  Even if the athlete has love and support coming from other adults, you are unique because you get to spend extensive time with these athletes. I say “get to” because this job truly is a privilege and having the lives of young people in your hands is something to take quite seriously. I personally loved being at sports when I was young because I felt safe and protected when I was there, which is more than I could say for my home.

If you learn about a situation with an athlete and you need to get them additional support, please do!                                                                                                                                                                        Do not be shy about recommending a therapist or counselor. Such a suggestion might be best received from a coach. Reach out to your governing body, be it academic or club, they should have go-to resources for coaches regarding mental/behavioral health. Also, your local county has services. There are many anonymous crisis lines - call or text. Here are a couple: 
https://www.crisistextline.org/
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Of course, you are always welcome to connect with me for feedback or resources, bhappytherapy@gmail.com.

In summary, when athletes have a strong support system, feel loved and cared for, and are given an environment to thrive in, it sets them up to be healthy both physically and mentally. There are so many factors that you can not control which affects athletes: the number of hours of sleep they get, the quality of their nutrition and hydration, academic challenges, the way they are treated by peers, medical complications…
What you can control is being a positive, optimistic, encouraging coach who truly listens to your athletes and validates their experience and feelings. You provide them with realistic goals and expectations that are beneficial rather than harmful.  By creating a safe environment in which athletes can grow, make mistakes they learn from, and develop friendships, you are giving someone the opportunity to be well and healthy, not only physically, but mentally too!
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HEALING FROM LOSS

9/5/2019

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The tragedy of a loved one dying leads to often a long process of emotions, grieving and healing. We all work through such loss in our unique ways. As I prepare for the upcoming one-year anniversary of losing the man I called my father, I wanted to share with you some things that myself and others have found healing in their journey of honoring a loved one.
  • Celebrate your loved one’s life in your own way! Some may do that through prayer, others by creating a physical and visual area where they can peacefully grieve. For example, we planted a rose bush and each of the family members painted a rock for this tranquil memory garden. Financially donating to, or volunteering for a certain cause that was important to this person is also common. Some like to keep a file of photos on their phone to look through, or a special picture in their backpack or wallet.
  • Share your thoughts, feelings, and memories with others who knew this person. Sometimes people are afraid to make others sad, or cry in public. It is OKAY to do so! In fact, an important part of healing is verbally processing with others and accepting your emotions.
  • Give yourself permission to heal and recover. Sometimes loved ones are afraid that if they show signs of improvement, maybe not crying for one day, that shows a lack of grieving. Again, we all go through the bereavement process on our own timeline!
  • On the days you know are going to be hard, for example anniversaries, have a plan in place. If you are the type of person that feels better when you are around others, then schedule a lunch and/or dinner with your friends or family members on the upcoming day. Perhaps you want to recognize this person by doing something they loved, such as going to a Packers game.
  • Do not be afraid to reach out for support. If you notice signs of depression, such as: significant sleep and appetite changes, persistent sad mood, low energy levels and a discontinuation of doing things you once enjoyed, utilize help resources. In Wisconsin, you can call 211, or goto http://www.211.org/. If you have a therapist who supports you, be sure to connect with her/him, you can also look up the crisis resources in the county that you live in.

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Smooth Back to School

8/12/2019

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Tips for a smooth transition of students and athletes back to school:
1. Take your child to orientation to help them familiarize with the environment they will be spending so much time in.
2. Complete all necessary paper work and payments BEFORE the first day of school. Unfinished forms and requirements can cause extra stress for students/athletes.
3. If required, be sure their physical has been completed, if not schedule their appointment. Most teams will not allow athletes to participate until this requirement has been met.
4. Talk to your child about what to expect once school starts. Listen to any fears or worries they have.
5. Validate your child, for example, "It sounds like you are worried your friend Isabelle may not be in your class this year. I know she is a good friend of yours. I remember wanting my good friends to be in my class too when I was your age."

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Creating a Strong Bond With Children

4/10/2019

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The responsibility of caring for a child can be overwhelming! Caregivers have are so many things to consider in their role. As a therapist I love seeing a strong, healthy attachment between an adult and a child. In a short interaction or observation, one can tell a lot about how healthy a relationship between a parent/guardian and child is. A strong bond can foster many positive qualities for a young one: improved self-esteem, increased independence, healthy boundaries, positive communication, respect, compassion and empathy are some.

Here are a few signs that a loved one is providing what a child needs for healthy growth and development.
  • Smiling and laughing with each other.
  • Talking in way that is positive, encouraging and kind.
  • Undivided time and attention. So often adults are preoccupied with their phones, work or other distractions. Making sure you factor in time to send the message that nothing is more important than your child, even if it is only a small amount of time each day.
  • Being consistent and following through. Routine and structure are a necessity for children. They depend on you to set boundaries and expectations, which helps them understand the world around them.
  • Allowing kids to learn and grow according to their level. If you are teaching a 5 year old about the rules of shopping you would not give them a printed list of rules and expect them to understand. You may instead, allow them to use the miniature shopping cart and model to them how people behave in a store.
  • Rewarding for positive behavior. Notice when a child is doing something right and praise them often. When this is done, the likelihood that they display negative behaviors for your attention will decrease. For example, when the child clears their plate after dinner thank them, give them a hug and explain how helpful it is when they clear their plate.
  • Allow creativity for growth. Children learn via many different methods. Give them as many options as possible to help them make sense of their environment. You can understand so much about what a child is thinking by sitting down on the carpet with them as they pretend to be the “teacher.”
  • Make it clear to your little one that you will be there to support, love and care for them always. For parents/guardians, regularly communicating this unconditional support for your child will foster many positive things such as trust, confidence, self-esteem and respect.


















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    Author: Katey Collins, LCSW, MSW

    Licensed Clinical Social worker, mother, wife, athlete

    December 2021
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